Puff Daddy said it's all about the Benjamins. We say it's all about the penis.

Men are shameless. If you're not thinking with your weiner, you're thinking directly on its behalf. -Sklyar, Good Will Hunting

I wish I could say that I have all the answers, but I don't. At 26 years old, my friends are beginning to get engaged. I can't speak on behalf of these people, but as an outsider I'd like to believe they are happy, that they have found their life long match. The days of chivalry and a man's courting of a woman are basically gone. The rise of social media and the advances in communication technology have made the "art of chivalry" unnecessary. I am not a psychoanalyst- although I am becoming much more interested in the topic- but I have read a lot of books and dated a lot of men. This is not to say that men were always chivalrous before the cell phone and the internet or that now because of it all men are scum. I just believe it has done nothing to benefit the "find a LIFE-partner" relationship. I mean, Don Juan was originally written sometime in the fourteenth century. Men have been seducing women for centuries. Although, it seems, Don Juan ends up in hell for his mistreatment of women. In any kind of read of early relationships, including folklore - the seducer or seductress is always associated with negativity. So then why do we continue to do this to each other? To fall into each other's traps? To get our hearts squashed by someone who straight up tells us they are no good? My friends tell me about heartbreak all the time. I feel badly but cannot empathize. Sure, I've had "hook-ups" not work out - but the two men I ever loved and who truly loved me back had their hearts broken by me. I have been called a succubus by two different men- strong, confident men- needless to say. While its not exactly the nicest thing to say about someone, I secretly (but not sans shame) consider it a compliment. Maybe I just like having power. When we start to crush on someone and really allow ourselves to like them, we are taking the biggest gamble of all- we are placing our hearts on a roulette number and hoping, praying, that the wheel lands on it - over and over and over again. Placing your heart in someone else's hands doesn't only allow them to power to hold it and caress. But they can squish it, or place it on the floor and stomp on it. It's also a great responsibility for the person doing the holding. You have another person's heart in your hands and you, you alone, have the power to destroy them. This morning I tried to place men into specific boxes. I went through those that have moved on before I was ready and wondered to myself why I still pined for them. My conclusion - The Power of the Penis.

Oh the power of the penis. When Novel Girl began to attempt to construct this man chart, she questioned me on the men that have driven me wild. In many ways, she and I are alike. We are both strong women who are very rarely dependent on a man. This whole conversation began this morning after I got off the phone with a close girlfriend who just got her heart broken by a man she thought she could spend her life with. I bbmed Novel Girl, "Love stinks." My heart breaks for her, but like Novel Girl, I have difficulty empathizing. With any meaningful relationship I have had, I have done the ending or the heart breaking. I have dated many men and some still remain in my life as friends. While I may have been bummed and even gone through the internal "what is wrong with me?" questioning when they ended the hook-up, I wouldn't say they had complete power over me. The last relationship I ended was done as a defense mechanism. I knew if I stayed with him, I would never get what I needed. It took me awhile to realize that I had to walk away (something I usually don't have trouble doing when it comes to men). Maybe it was the power of the penis. Maybe it's testoterone. Either way, many women stay and often settle. Loneliness can be palpable. Being happy on your own is no easy feat in this ruthless world we live in. So sometimes... err, often...we give in to the power of the penis and throw our fragile hearts in the hands of a man who may not know how to handle it. Let it be known, I am not a gambler. I'd rather spend my money on Starbucks, champagne and pretty things than throw it in the hands of the dealer. Until I opened my eyes and realized I was 26 and people are starting to get engaged, married and have babies. Maybe it's time to throw in a few chips, because deep down I still share the romantic hopes of every little girl who ever dreamt of white dresses and picket fences.

First: A conversation about shiksappeal.

The Magnetic Shiksa: Shiksappeal and Novel Girl's Shpeel

Novel Girl: i got it

boys love girls their momma's wont approve of
your a momma's boy momma's boy

11:46 PM i was going to say - boy you got it so wrong when you look into her eyes and all you really see is your mom

The Magnetic Shiksa: ok so far four of your ny jews and one law school jew have all been attracted to me

11:47 PM

Novel Girl: hahaha woah go uu

The Magnetic Shiksa: not trying to toot my horn

just proving a point

11:48 PM

Novel Girl: its because aside from the fact that you have sex appeal and are pretty and fun

its more than that

its because these boys all have jewish mothers

The Magnetic Shiksa: who pressure them

Novel Girl: and these jewish mothers put pressure

but would not be happy with a gentile girl so you are like a drug

The Magnetic Shiksa: sam said "my mom told me there were girls out there like you"

hahaha

Novel Girl: yes

11:49 PM in the sense that you are not a jap

stuck up

typically jew girl

like heres the thing

wow i have such a great analogy

The Magnetic Shiksa: yay

Novel Girl: thank god for aliases

The Magnetic Shiksa: i am so excited

Novel Girl: well like i am not your typical jewish girl either

like the kind sam was referring to

The Magnetic Shiksa: not at all

Novel Girl: very jappy snotty etc.

an i am also not religious

BUT

The Magnetic Shiksa: true

11:50 PM Novel Girl: i come from a "good family"

The Magnetic Shiksa: you have the family, the upbringing, etc

Novel Girl: which is why mama dubbs wants me to date her son

now you are someone that those types of mothers would not want

but you are downright awesome

and flirty

The Magnetic Shiksa: I am saying everything you are saying

Novel Girl: yes

but then there are people like #uberjewboy

The Magnetic Shiksa: haha

Novel Girl: he would NEVER go for a shiksa

but i am the next best thing

jewish good family

The Magnetic Shiksa: hahahahahaha

Novel Girl: but agnostic

and tattoos and fake breasts

u see?

11:51 PM The Magnetic Shiksa: yes

Novel Girl: mommy would still hate

but hes super religious so its like a stretch

boys are silly

The Magnetic Shiksa: we are like a drug

they are intrigued

and it is kind of dangerous

and who doesnt want to take a walk on the wild side

The Magnetic Shiksa: ok..let's talk about novel girl

which brings us to the professor

talk about dangerous

Novel Girl:: yes

hahaha

The Magnetic Shiksa: the teacher/student relationship is also taboo

11:54 PM but everyone looooves a scandal

Novel Girl:taboo for sure

The Magnetic Shiksa: and you are quite the novel girl...but thankfully, the novelty doesn't wear off

Novel Girl:: reminds me of life of david gale

haha

The Magnetic Shiksa: bc you have so many layers

Novel Girl:: i am an enigma

The Magnetic Shiksa: like the onion, my least favorite vegetable

Novel Girl:: hahaha thanks girl

The Magnetic Shiksa: touche

Novel Girl: men

The Magnetic Shiksa: men?

are silly creatures

lindsay.seckendorf: im just thinking

yea... so simple yet so complex

The Magnetic Shiksa: you done pinned the tail on the donkey girl

Novel Girl: urban dictionary

shiksa:

A Gentile girl or woman, especially one who has attracted a Jewish man. The term derives from the Hebrew word "sheketz", meaning the flesh of an animal deemed taboo by the Torah. Since a Jewish man marrying a non-Jewish woman is taboo also, this word applies to her. Traditionally this is a derogatory term, though in modern times it has also been used more light-heartedly. For example, Seinfeld once did an episode about Elaine's "shiksa appeal". The ideal shiksa is a blonde WASP who look like the opposite of a stereotypical Jew, but in reality, many shiksas are brunettes who might pass for Jewish themselves.

11:59 PM The Magnetic Shiksa: AMAZING

Novel Girl:: i know