Monday, November 8, 2010

Puff Daddy said it's all about the Benjamins. We say it's all about the penis.

Men are shameless. If you're not thinking with your weiner, you're thinking directly on its behalf. -Sklyar, Good Will Hunting

I wish I could say that I have all the answers, but I don't. At 26 years old, my friends are beginning to get engaged. I can't speak
on behalf of these people, but as an outsider I'd like to believe they are happy, that they have found their life long match. The days of chivalry and a man's courting of a woman are basically gone. The rise of social media and the advances in communication technology have made the "art of chivalry" unnecessary. I am not a psychoanalyst- although I am becoming much more interested in the topic- but I have read a lot of books and dated a lot of men. This is not to say that men were always chivalrous before the cell phone and the internet or that now because of it all men are scum. I just believe it has done nothing to benefit the "find a LIFE-partner" relationship. I mean, Don Juan was originally written sometime in the fourteenth century. Men have been seducing women for centuries. Although, it seems, Don Juan ends up in hell for his mistreatment of women. In any kind of read of early relationships, including folklore - the seducer or seductress is always associated with negativity. So then why do we continue to do this to each other? To fall into each other's traps? To get our hearts squashed by someone who straight up tells us they are no good? My friends tell me about heartbreak all the time. I feel badly but cannot empathize. Sure, I've had "hook-ups" not work out - but the two men I ever loved and who truly loved me back had their hearts broken by me. I have been called a succubus by two different men- strong, confident men- needless to say. While its not exactly the nicest thing to say about someone, I secretly (but not sans shame) consider it a compliment. Maybe I just like having power. When we start to crush on someone and really allow ourselves to like them, we are taking the biggest gamble of all- we are placing our hearts on a roulette number and hoping, praying, that the wheel lands on it - over and over and over again. Placing your heart in someone else's hands doesn't only allow them to power to hold it and caress. But they can squish it, or place it on the floor and stomp on it. It's also a great responsibility for the person doing the holding. You have another person's heart in your hands and you, you alone, have the power to destroy them. This morning I tried to place men into specific boxes. I went through those that have moved on before I was ready and wondered to myself why I still pined for them. My conclusion - The Power of the Penis.

Oh the power of the penis. When Novel Girl began to attempt to construct this man chart, she questioned me on the men that have driven me wild. In many ways, she and I are alike. We are both strong women who are very rarely dependent on a man. This whole conversation began this morning after I got off the phone with a close girlfriend who just got her heart broken by a man she thought she could spend her life with. I bbmed Novel Girl, "Love stinks." My heart breaks for her, but like Novel Girl, I have difficulty empathizing. With any meaningful relationship I have had, I have done the ending or the heart breaking. I have dated many men and some still remain in my life as friends. While I may have been bummed and even gone through the internal "what is wrong with me?" questioning when they ended the hook-up, I wouldn't say they had complete power over me. The last relationship I ended was done as a defense mechanism. I knew if I stayed with him, I would never get what I needed. It took me awhile to realize that I had to walk away (something I usually don't have trouble doing when it comes to men). Maybe it was the power of the penis. Maybe it's testoterone. Either way, many women stay and often settle. Loneliness can be palpable. Being happy on your own is no easy feat in this ruthless world we live in. So sometimes... err, often...we give in to the power of the penis and throw our fragile hearts in the hands of a man who may not know how to handle it. Let it be known, I am not a gambler. I'd rather spend my money on Starbucks, champagne and pretty things than throw it in the hands of the dealer. Until I opened my eyes and realized I was 26 and people are starting to get engaged, married and have babies. Maybe it's time to throw in a few chips, because deep down I still share the romantic hopes of every little girl who ever dreamt of white dresses and picket fences.

Thursday, October 21, 2010

First: A conversation about shiksappeal.

The Magnetic Shiksa: Shiksappeal and Novel Girl's Shpeel
Novel Girl: i got it
boys love girls their momma's wont approve of
your a momma's boy momma's boy
11:46 PM i was going to say - boy you got it so wrong when you look into her eyes and all you really see is your mom
The Magnetic Shiksa: ok so far four of your ny jews and one law school jew have all been attracted to me
11:47 PM
Novel Girl: hahaha woah go uu
The Magnetic Shiksa: not trying to toot my horn
just proving a point
11:48 PM
Novel Girl: its because aside from the fact that you have sex appeal and are pretty and fun
its more than that
its because these boys all have jewish mothers
The Magnetic Shiksa: who pressure them
Novel Girl: and these jewish mothers put pressure
but would not be happy with a gentile girl so you are like a drug
The Magnetic Shiksa: sam said "my mom told me there were girls out there like you"
Novel Girl: yes
11:49 PM in the sense that you are not a jap
stuck up
typically jew girl
like heres the thing
wow i have such a great analogy
The Magnetic Shiksa: yay
Novel Girl: thank god for aliases
The Magnetic Shiksa: i am so excited
Novel Girl: well like i am not your typical jewish girl either
like the kind sam was referring to
The Magnetic Shiksa: not at all
Novel Girl: very jappy snotty etc.
an i am also not religious
The Magnetic Shiksa: true
11:50 PM Novel Girl: i come from a "good family"
The Magnetic Shiksa: you have the family, the upbringing, etc
Novel Girl: which is why mama dubbs wants me to date her son
now you are someone that those types of mothers would not want
but you are downright awesome
and flirty
The Magnetic Shiksa: I am saying everything you are saying
Novel Girl: yes
but then there are people like #uberjewboy
The Magnetic Shiksa: haha
Novel Girl: he would NEVER go for a shiksa
but i am the next best thing
jewish good family
The Magnetic Shiksa: hahahahahaha
Novel Girl: but agnostic
and tattoos and fake breasts
u see?
11:51 PM The Magnetic Shiksa: yes
Novel Girl: mommy would still hate
but hes super religious so its like a stretch
boys are silly
The Magnetic Shiksa: we are like a drug
they are intrigued
and it is kind of dangerous
and who doesnt want to take a walk on the wild side
The Magnetic Shiksa: ok..let's talk about novel girl
which brings us to the professor
talk about dangerous
Novel Girl:: yes
The Magnetic Shiksa: the teacher/student relationship is also taboo
11:54 PM but everyone looooves a scandal
Novel Girl:taboo for sure
The Magnetic Shiksa: and you are quite the novel girl...but thankfully, the novelty doesn't wear off
Novel Girl:: reminds me of life of david gale
The Magnetic Shiksa: bc you have so many layers
Novel Girl:: i am an enigma
The Magnetic Shiksa: like the onion, my least favorite vegetable
Novel Girl:: hahaha thanks girl
The Magnetic Shiksa: touche
Novel Girl: men
The Magnetic Shiksa: men?
are silly creatures
lindsay.seckendorf: im just thinking
yea... so simple yet so complex
The Magnetic Shiksa: you done pinned the tail on the donkey girl
Novel Girl: urban dictionary
A Gentile girl or woman, especially one who has attracted a Jewish man. The term derives from the Hebrew word "sheketz", meaning the flesh of an animal deemed taboo by the Torah. Since a Jewish man marrying a non-Jewish woman is taboo also, this word applies to her. Traditionally this is a derogatory term, though in modern times it has also been used more light-heartedly. For example, Seinfeld once did an episode about Elaine's "shiksa appeal". The ideal shiksa is a blonde WASP who look like the opposite of a stereotypical Jew, but in reality, many shiksas are brunettes who might pass for Jewish themselves.
11:59 PM The Magnetic Shiksa: AMAZING
Novel Girl:: i know